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Exit: Time to Go

I'm trying for escape velocity

September 11th, 2016 by Holy at

This site/I have been very quiet. I think — or want to predict — that this is a calm before a storm. I am in the process of redirecting my energies in order to pursue a higher profile status for myself and Sword of Moonlight. It doesn’t mean I’ll necessarily succeed; but I don’t know why not. It’s always difficult to say, because my life experience has been one that: if you attempt to do anything worthwhile where software is concerned, you basically must be prepared to go it completely alone, and to greet a completely unsympathetic wall, every day, as if it’s an outpouring of supportive, eternally grateful, fellow people, that are totally there — not a figment of your psyche willed to be so to spur your work at all; just like everything else you must will into being, tirelessly, day in, day out, for an imagined audience, that apparently could care less if you exist or not! but will paradoxically manifest one day, as if you’d always done so. It’s frankly mad, but it gives me a purpose, where otherwise my life would — I believe — be dull and unmeaningful.

And not for want of alternatives. My life is actually charmed. Which just makes it all the more difficult to willfully break its mold. Anyway, I feel like the time is right to go for broke. I don’t know how, but I will exhaust my options. The most difficult part is considering changing my lifestyle, or traveling again, or even moving if it comes to that. I am very isolated. It’s ideal for software development, and there’s no change I could make that would be more ideal for software development, but like I hope I communicated, raising the profile of this project I think must entail more than mere software work. I’ve done plenty of that for years. And it’s definitely reached a head. But I think to go on like this risks never parting the curtain on the world-stage.

I think the time is right for my work. And supposedly sometime around now the “Moratheia” art project is to be debuted — this is the only real hope Sword of Moonlight has to capture the public’s imagination in any form in any time soon. I’d really love to see anything new right now myself. I don’t know exactly what this means. My new mood has more to do with a lousy day, when yesterday a close/longtime pet died unexpectedly, in middle age. They were kind of the last thing tying me to my comfortable home, which is more like a cocoon than a home in any real sense. I thought this pet would live for potentially at least a few more years, but regardless of circumstances, I’d long thought to myself that their passing would mark a transition in my life, into a more professional role. I’ve always intended or desired to be in a public figure role of some form, even though I may not be well suited for the task, but even someone like Linus Torvalds can be a public figure of sorts. I think I was a very good public speaker when I was young, but I’ve spent too many years under solitary confinement like conditions, and any abilities I’d had have eroded. Although I’m sure I’m more comfortable in public than anyone among my extended family going by family gatherings, so I don’t think I am a lost cause by any means.

As far as official business goes, I can report that today I put yet another development snapshot for COLLADA-DOM up on the boards. Please see past months posts for links, and go to the bottom for the latest there. I think my contribution to COLLADA is important, and I hope it will reinvigorate COLLADA. Because even if Sword of Moonlight can successfully switch over to COLLADA, COLLADA is still necessarily collaborative; it requires an application ecosystem where all parties have achieved a certain minimum degree of standards. Therefore it will be a much more ambitious project to elevate COLLADA to a point where it is fully useful. I think that’s a project for the coming decades. One vehicle I intend to pursue is a role in mounting a new era for COLLADA. If I can get even modest results for it, I intend to try to find a company that will pay me a modest salary just to be continually involved with COLLADA, ostensibly to cover travel expenses where meetings are deemed appropriate.

By this I mean, I intend to not take on any job-like duties, but I hope I can still be paid by a company. I need something like this, if only to create a picture of legitimacy. Lord knows I haven’t gotten far by the online crowdfunding-patronage route. This isn’t as crazy as it seems (not to me anyway) because COLLADA’s perceived success is linked to its public, owned-by-no-one, image. But even no one must have a way to get by in this world. And I assume some big software company will see that there is value there, compared to their funds. A cyberspace cannot be perceived to be owned by anyone, or at least it cannot be birthed under such circumstances (commercial actors always seem to find a way to completely subsume public things as soon as they become ripe.)

Is all of this just a phase or idea I have? Maybe so. But I can tell you that when I have ideas, those ideas have a way of taking on a life of their own. Something must give. The stars are aligned. This is me publicly saying so. This is me stepping out of my comfort zone, to envision new possibilities. Let’s hope things are about to get real. Real soon. Or the sooner the better anyway. We don’t live forever.

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